By the time we reach our forties, life often begins to slow down. We’ve long-ago finished college, gotten married, raised our kids (if we had them), and worked our way up the corporate ladder at our jobs. The hustle and bustle of youth is over and a new season of life begins.
These years, in my opinion, are the best years. We’re wiser, more seasoned and experienced. More reflective and thoughtful. And that’s all good, because many of us are also faced with uncertainties, change, and transition.
We reevaluate the lives we diligently created, and we ask, “Who are we now?”
The years of continuous, overarching GRIND eventually take a toll on the best of us. Without conscious effort, we shift from go-getter-mode into survival mode. Protecting our kids, keeping our jobs, maintaining our relationships, and about a hundred other things make it necessary to focus outwardly for so long we stop looking inward. And our identities are sometimes swallowed whole in the process.
To make matters worse, our self-worth becomes tied to our productivity, or to the success or failure of things beyond our control.
Didn’t get the promotion?
Got dumped?
Your kid’s failing calculus?
Lost big money in your 401(k) this quarter?
Those things are all bummers - but none are your fault.
It’s time to extricate who you are from your duties and circumstances and remember the two are not the same.
So where do we start?
It’s important to remember we’re shaped by time and circumstance. By parents and family members in our formative years. Then coaches, teachers, teammates, and friends as we grow. Eventually, our coworkers, bosses, clients, children, and spouses press their fingerprints to our canvas too.
And let’s not forget the impact of our experiences. Our losses. Our joys.
Travel. Tragedy. Victory.
Motherhood changes us,. Careers and education change us. Relationships change us. LIFE changes us.
But once we take a moment to recenter, we have to ask ourselves-
Who am I without the job that shaped my identity for decades?
Who am I after the last of my children moves out, or gets married?
Who am I when my long-term relationship ends?
Who am I without those influences? Without those duties? Without those people?
Don’t know? Well, you’re in luck, because I have the answers.
You are YOU
AND
You are whoever you want to be
*Insert jazz hands*
So who’s it going to be? Because you are in control now.
You get to change and grow, pursue your peace, chase your dreams, and find your joy. YOU get to determine what happens next.
Try this exercise:
Close your eyes and imagine your ideal version of You.
What does she look like? What does she wear?
What are her favorite things and best qualities?
What are her skills and talents?
What would she like to learn or do?
What would her ideal job or perfect day include?
Then open your eyes and start writing it down. Review your lists. How do they make you feel? What’s missing that you wish was included?
How can you make changes today that get one step closer to being your favorite version of You?
Remember there aren’t any wrong answers, and you control it all. Be outlandish. Go BIG. You deserve it! All those desires you’re feeling aren’t accidents. You want those things because they are meant for you, so go get ‘em!
What kinds of changes will you make? I’d love to cheer you on!
How did you get so wise!?! Lol. These are all such important and powerful questions. I have always (until the last 6 or 7 years) linked my identity to my job. I was in the "helping professions" and felt it was my "purpose" in life. I went full blast and was too young or didn't have hindsight, to realize I was burning out and becoming very unhappy. I was single for most of my life and therefore relied only on myself for income, my house, medical issues etc. Not that I don't have a wonderful family that did and does support me. But I grew up thinking I was a failure if I couldn't hold it all together. That kept me in a very emotionally abusive job for 8 years and threw me into depression. Plus, I had some religious ideas that I was supposed to be helping people in this exact way. I couldn't see that I wasn't letting God down if I chose a different career path. Thank goodness I don't think that way anymore! I had no idea what else I would do for a job that would make enough money to keep me in my tiny house and eating 🙃 I went to career counseling that repeatedly told me I'd be good at my current career. The career that was making me sick. I finally quit because I was so depressed and exhausted and abused that I could barely get out of bed. I had 2 other jobs briefly before my job at the Police department where I felt at home. And it's where I met my husband. 😍 I am just now, after age 50, beginning to really feel that I'm important and matter even without a job. I retired in 2020. I ask myself every day "who am I?". It's fluid, but that's OK. I finally realize that my purpose in this world is about everyday situations and not a job. I think I'm doing pretty good 👍
I love these questions! It's so good to reflect on what YOU want. My ideal me is 20 pounds lighter and can fit into my clothes and looks good in a bikini. I've got 14 weeks till my birthday. That's my goal. As far as my job, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and I'm about 7 years away from retirement. So many jobs look interesting, but I'm not sure they would be for me. I think my best years will be when I'm retired. I can read, travel, do my crafts, take pictures and be my best self. I won't have this silly thing called a job taking up all my time and energy.